He smiles.....

He smiles at me and at that instant I feel a rush of warm maternal love flooding my body.His smile lit up his whole face. Sitting at the podium watching him perform a dance routine with that cute face of his with intense concentration brings a sense of gratefulness to me.To think that I almost lost this precious moment make me shudder with remorse.His oblique almond shaped brown eyes gazes at me as if to say "watch me mum,they say I'm retarded but I can dance and sing like the rest of the kids too" My mind begins to wander to the event that happened long time ago.

(10 years ago)

"I'm sorry Mrs.Amelia,but from your Chronic Vilus Sampling(CVS),we have detected that your fetus has presence of an extra 21st chromosome.To put it in a layman term,your child has 95% chances of being born with Down syndrome.It's chromosomal disorder that causes some impairment of cognitive ability and physical growth and a particular set of facial characteristic",Dr.Chiew my doctor explained to me.I found myself trying to control the tears that threatening to flow anytime."Why me?",I spluttered to him."Just take it easy Amelia,the incident of having Down syndrome baby is estimated at 1 per 800 births and its statistically common with older mother like you"he pauses ,looking at me with concern and continues,"however fortunately,you have the choice of aborting your child,I'll give you time to think about it but personally I advice you not to have this baby,but again,its your choice.I'll see u again next week",and by that he left the room.

I stared at the brightly painted yellow wall, my heart drops into my stomach and it twists.Why me?,the question keep disturbing my mind.I have waited for 20 years without a child.A son or daughter of my own,to care and pamper with so much love.To cherish every single moment of my baby growing up.Watching him/her taking the first step,uttering the first word and the first fall,and without any warning my tears fall.I wept with all my heart clutching my stomach.Clutching the baby I'm failing to give birth.With all the courage I could summon,I walked out of the clinic towards the parking area into my car.I started the engine and drove aimlessly around the city.Thinking about what happened earlier.My mind still in shock unable to comprehend the situation.Little by little I let the news to settle in my brain.Finally,around 3 hours later I got back home too exhausted,took a hot shower and fall into the bed besides my husband.

He tried questioning me many times but I ignored him.I'm not ready to break the news to him.He will be shattered.I closed my eyes trying to block out the events happened earlier and stared at the darkness allowing myself to drift into sleep.Suddenly I feel myself falling,down I go,falling then floating and falling again awaiting the land,I tried to scream but no voice came out.At that moment a hand grasped me, a hand that was so huge.There was no human form,just a big hand with blinding bright light illuminating the hand.The hand saved me from falling and gave me a baby,and with that I woke up,taking shallow breaths, I immediately woke my husband up."What's up sweetie,you had a nightmare?",he asked."Its okay everything will be alright soon"and he kissed my forehead.I hugged him tightly and cried,"I'm going to have the baby!My husband stared at me as if I lost my head.I hold his hand and proceeded telling him the whole story.When I'm finished,he cupped my face and told me,''Yes honey,we are going to have this baby no matter what and we will give our child the world of happiness that our baby deserves"

I woke up that morning with a light heart.After finishing all the household chores I went online.I typed "down syndrome" on yahoo search engine and more than 78,600,000 result flooded my laptop screen,with a trembling hand I clicked on it.After reading almost 1o web pages,a sense of alarm ticked me.Having a down syndrome child is no stroll in the park,it needs constant care,love support and conducive environment.In order to have a special child,I need to be a special mother.Can I be that mother?A quote that I read some time back came into my mind,"God cant be everywhere,so he created mother's"Can I be a God to my child?Every child born into this world is god gift to humans.Who am I to destroy a child's life just because he/she is special.Is Down Syndrome so crippling as to make life not worth living for my child?After pondering about that I prayed to God to bless my decision.I'm going to have this baby and nothing nor anyone can change my mind.

Eight months and two weeks later I gave birth to a healthy and glowing baby boy.For me,he is the most beautiful baby I ever laid my eyes on.For others,his unusually round face,oblique eyes and flat nasal bridge may look awkward and ugly but for me I felt the softness of his skin,saw a warm glow from his eyes and a sensed steady beating heart that that seems to remind me that I'm indeed fortunate to have him in my arms.I named him Abhar,it means 'the glowing one'

Thunder of claps brought me back to present world.Proud parents were clapping their hands together enthusiastically to honor their child.Now,looking at the face of Abhar reminds me of how lucky I'm to have him in my life and hows close I came to losing that.In the years to come I'm very sure that my child will live a happy life as he is a survivor.